Monkey Love


Calling all Intel Monkeys!


you have been neglected long enough, the ground troops have been getting all the swag - well no longer!

The Home Guard Shop now stocks T-Shirts featuring one of two Intel Monkey designs. there is the option of Agent Names and Home Guard logo's joining the Monkey designs.

If you are ordering a T-Shirt featuring your agent name please be sure you have edited the text accordingly, there is a known bug on the mobile version where the customise button does not always appear.

Home Guard and the UK Resistance make no profit from any sales, the cost is just to cover the costs involved.

Operation 'Sheffield Springs A Leek'

---- Incoming Message---
Sender : +Gavin Drury 
Subject : Sheffield Springs a Leek
Classification : Restricted

Sit Rep
To help celebrate having one of our new agents levelling up to Lv8, and to welcome him to the Sheffield Lv8 Club, we thought it would be a good idea to bring him into his first op and get him into the 100k plus fielding club.
 
Spotting an opportunity on Bank Holiday Monday morning, Second Lieutenant Kierkergard rounded up the troops as he headed over to Leek to farm the keys in a two hour round trip.
 
With Cpl Dingus01 on his way to collect the keys from the Northern neutral portals and Pvt Sming ready to courier keys to Pvt Melkerrigan for the Eastern portals, Flt Lt TheFuryD started planning the fields and working out how many keys would be needed. A few small blocking links were removed and with with Pvt Pankomputerek's help, we checked for any new blocking links appearing and further clearance duties were assigned.
 
Shortly after 2nd Lt Kierkergard had got the keys from Leek, A long blocking link from Chesterfield appeared meaning they had to divert to Buxton and, hopefully under the guise of smashing an 8 farm, the link in question was removed before coming back to Sheffield for everyone to meet and exchange keys. Then with Pvt Pankomputerek, Cpl Dingus01,2nd Lt Kierkergard, and Pvt MelKerrigan in place with bursters and Jarvis at the ready, 5 minutes of clearance, the neutral portals set up and the long southern link thrown before any blockers can pop up. The field was closed and a further two layers dropped and then we hit a block as Flt Lt TheFuryD directed the fourth layer. Reports coming back from the field that there were no linkable fields. Intel looked good, it was clear. Phones were rebooted. We were getting worried as the local fast response field killers were surely on their way now. Phone restarted. Level one diagnostics run. Still no links....and then it clicks. The agent realises he was at the wrong portal! A quick trip to the correct one and the fourth layer was deployed. Followed by the fifth and six. Mission accomplished.
Time to relax and for the Intel monkey to grab a beer. 6 Layers, 13 Fields, and 1,245,086 MU. Which was one less field than planned and about 50MU less we could have got due to a link going early, so sorry to those few minds we couldn't save.
 
Whilst the quick response team did indeed show up later, they failed to set up any kind of blocking link so Pvt Sming and 2nd Lt Kierkergard had a quick trip to put the field back up.



Conception, Clearance and Farming -2nd Lt Kierkergard
Intel and Field Planning - Flt Lt TheFuryD
Clearance and Fielding - Cpl Dingus01
Clearance and Fielding - Pvt MelKerrigan
Clearance - Pvt Pankomputerek
Key Courier - Pvt Sming
Refielding - Pvt Sming and 2nd Lt Kierkergard

--- End Transmission ---

Four Smurfs Go To The Seaside

Chapter 1: Papa Smurf is Bored

Once upon a time, in a town not that far from here, there lived four smurfs. There was Papa Smurf, the leader of the group; Brainy Smurf, who was very clever; Bossy Smurf, who always thought she knew better than Papa Smurf; and Silly Smurf, who was very, very silly.

One hot summer evening, the four friends were sitting in Brainy Smurf’s garden, drinking their favourite smurf juice. Papa Smurf and Bossy Smurf were arguing - as usual. Brainy Smurf was swinging in her hammock, and Silly Smurf was sitting on the grass, playing a silly game.

“I’m bored”, complained Papa Smurf. “There is nothing left to do here”, agreed Brainy Smurf. “I think Papa Smurf is right”, added Bossy Smurf. “Can I have some more smurf juice?” asked Silly Smurf, but nobody was listening.

“I think that what we need is a holiday!” exclaimed Brainy Smurf. “Good idea!” shouted Papa Smurf and Bossy Smurf, simultaneously. Then they stopped, and stared at each other with confused looks on their faces. “Well” continued Brainy Smurf, “if you both agree, then it must be a good idea.”

“Can I have some more smurf juice?” asked Silly Smurf, but nobody was listening.

Chapter 2: Riding in the Smurfmobile

A few days later Papa Smurf and the other Smurfs packed up the Smurfmobile and headed out of town. Papa Smurf had heard about a big tunnel under the sea, which would take them to a whole new smurfy country, where the Smurfs were known as les Schtroumpfs. Papa, Brainy and Bossy all agreed that this was an excellent idea.

“I wanted to go to Alton Towers...” grumbled Silly Smurf, but nobody was listening.

The Smurfmobile made surprisingly good time as the four friends travelled through the beautiful countryside. Papa Smurf and Bossy Smurf were arguing, again. This time it was over what kind of music to listen to as they drove. “Music from Smurfville!” Bossy Smurf shouted. “No, you’re wrong. As usual. We need some 12 bar blues.” replied Papa Smurf.
“Listen you two, if you don’t take a break I’m going to hit you!” shouted Brainy Smurf angrily.

“Look! A dead umbrella bird!” squealed Silly Smurf, but nobody was listening.

Soon the smurfmobile arrived in a quaint little village on the coast. “We’ll stay here.” decided Papa Smurf. “Good idea.” said Brainy Smurf. “Just let me out of here!” whined Bossy Smurf. “Is it time for some smurf juice?” asked Silly Smurf, hopefully. But nobody was listening.

Chapter 3: A Curious Message in a Bottle

The little village had an enormous beach, so the friends decided to go for a walk while Brainy Smurf tried to teach Silly Smurf all about estuaries and tides. Soon, the sun began to set, and they decided to go and find something to eat (or in Silly Smurf’s case, to drink).

But as they walked along the sand, something strange happened. Silly Smurf was slightly behind the others, playing in the rockpools, when he spotted a glowing blue bottle bobbing along in the water. “Look at that!” he shouted, but nobody was listening. So he tried again. “Papa! Bossy! Brainy! What is that?”

“Just leave it alone Silly,” said Brainy, “it’s only litter.” “Yeah,” added Papa, “now hurry up, I’m starving”.

But Silly Smurf wasn’t so sure. He picked up the glowing bottle and peered at it closely. “Papa! Look Papa!” There’s lots of keys in here. And they all have your name on them!”

For once, all the other Smurfs stopped and listened to Silly Smurf. “My name?” Papa Smurf exclaimed. “How odd!”

Chapter 4: Why Keys Are So Important to Smurfs

Now it’s important to explain just how special keys are to Smurfs. They use them to send messages to other smurfs across long distances, and sometimes they use them to send messages to lots of smurfs at the same time, by making a big blue blanket.

Smurfs give each other keys as presents. Sometimes they find them in the street. But never before had any smurf found a key with their own name on it. Even Brainy Smurf didn’t know what that meant.

“Maybe something is broken in the G.A.M.E (Gargamel Avoidance Messaging Engine)?” Brainy Smurf suggested, looking puzzled. “Let’s see if we can fix it.”

Chapter 5: The Smurfs Decide to Experiment

First they tried to send a message with one of the keys, and it seemed to work. They could see the message flying out over the sea. Just to be sure, Papa Smurf made a small blue blanket, and this seemed to work too.

But Bossy Smurf was still confused. “Wherever these messages are going, it still seems to have your name instead of an address. How is that possible?”

The next day the small blue blanket was gone, leaving the smurfs even more confused.

“Right” announced Papa Smurf, “I have a plan. Let’s visit all of the interesting places in the village and send messages using these keys. Maybe one of our friends back home will see them and help us understand what’s going on.”

Chapter 6: Fun in the Sun

So that’s exactly what they did. The Smurfs visited the beach, the market, the churches, some war memorials, and lots of other interesting places. Then, just to be sure, they took a steam train to the next village over and made some blue blankets from there too.

They still didn’t really know where their messages were going, but they decided that it didn’t matter. The important thing was that they were having a lot of fun in a new place, and it was all because of Silly Smurf.

“Maybe I’m not Silly Smurf, I’m sensible Smurf?” giggled Silly Smurf. And, although everyone listened this time, they decided it might still be a bit early to tell for sure.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Disclaimer: All smurfs appearing in this work are fictitious...ish. Any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is mostly coincidental, and possibly insulting. No UK portals used in this op holiday were submitted by any of the players involved. Fields built on Saturday 23rd, Sunday 24th and Monday 25th (at 4am local time, after they were taken down by enl players at 1am).

Acknowledgements:@julesdg6, @cuznatch, @woollyhedge and @regthefish on the ground.@16shells, @oindypoind and the Brighton Resistance for key farming and portal building.@Darksniper83 for air support.

Real Life Matter: Muju

Jason Walters (aka, Muju) wife is pregnant, unfortunately at the same time she was diagnosed with breast cancer.
He has been reluctant to ask for help, but has had the choice removed by the people around him that care.

He has a donation page set up to help them make it through all this. If you can, please donate something.

https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/zzj5/first-time-mom-fights-cancer-builds-baby

We Will Fight Them On The Beaches

In 1940, Dunkirk was instrumental in providing the safe return of our troops. The Kentish coast has long been an important asset to this island nation. These two facts add to the pride we have this evening for the soldiers on the ground that have ensured, not only is Dover to Folkstone safe from ingression, the seas lanes to Calais and Dunkirk are also covered in a protective field.

The Navy is incredibly grateful for your protection, good work!